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زندگی به سبک مجازی
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23 آذر 90 :: نویسنده : روبین

معلمی از دانش آموزانش خواست "فواید گاو بودن" را بنویسند و نوشته ای که در زیر می خوانید تمام و کمال انشای آن دانش آموز است.

roobin.ir

با سلام خدمت معلم عزیزم و عرض تشکر از زحمات بی دریغ اولیاء و مربیان مدرسه که در تربیت ما بسیار زحمت میکشند و اگر آنها نبودند معلوم نبود ما الان کجا بودیم.
اکنون قلم به دست میگیرم و انشای خود را آغاز می کنم.
البته واضح و مبرهن است که اگر به اطراف خود بنگریم در می یابیم که گاو بودن فواید زیادی دارد.
من مقداری در این مورد فکر کردم و به این نتیجه رسیدم که مهمترین فایده ی گاو بودن این است که آدم دیگر آدم نیست. بلکه گاو است.
هرچند که نتیجه گیری باید در آخر انشاء باشد.
بیایید یک لحظه فکر کنیم که ما گاویم و ببینیم چقدر گاو بودن فایده دارد.

مثلا در مورد همین ازدواج که این همه الان دارند راجع به آن برنامه هزار راه رفته و نرفته و برگشته درست می کنند.
هیچ گاو مادری نگران ترشیده شدن گوساله اش نیست.
همچنین ناراحت نیست اگر فردا پسرش زن برد، عروسش پسرش را از چنگش در می آورد.
وقتی گاوی که پدر خانواده است میخواهد دخترش را شوهر دهد، نگران جهیزیه اش نیست.
نگران نیست که بین فامیل و همسایه آبرو دارند. مجبور نیست به خاطر این که پول جهاز دخترش را تهیه نماید برای صاحبش زمین اضافه شخم بزند، یا بدتر از آن پاچه خواری کند.
گوساله های ماده مجبور نیستند که با هزار دوز و کلک دل گوساله های نر را به دست بیاورند تا به خواستگاریشان بیایند، چون آنها آنقدر گاو هستند که به خواستگاری آنها بروند، از طرفی هیچ گوساله ماده ای نمیگوید که فعلا قصد ازدواج ندارد و میخواهد ادامه تحصیل دهد. تازه وقتی هم که عروسی می کنند اینهمه بیا برو، بعله برون، خواستگاری، مهریه، نامزدی، زیر لفظی، حنا بندان، عروسی، پاتختی، روتختی، زیر تختی، ماه عسل، و زبونم لال طلاق و طلاق کشی و... ندارند.

گاوها حیوانات نجیب و سر به زیری هستند.
آنها چشمهای سیاه و درشت و خوشگلی دارند.
شاعر در این باره میگوید :
سیه چشمون چرا تو نگات دیگه اون همه صفا نیست
سیه چشمون بگو نکنه دلت دیگه پیش ما نیست

هیچ گاوی نگران کرایه خانه اش نیست.
نگران نیست نکند از کار اخراجش کنند.
گاوها آنقدر عاقلند که میدانند بهترین سالهای عمرشان را نباید پشت کنکور بگذرانند.
گاوها بخاطر چشم و همچشمی دماغشان را عمل نمی کنند.
شما تا حالا دیده اید گاوی دماغش را چسب بزند؟
شما تا حالا دیده اید گاوی خط چشم بکشد؟
گاوها حیوانات مفیدی هستند و انگل جامعه نیستند.

شما تاکنون یک گاو معتاد دیده اید؟
گاوی دیده اید که سر کوچه بایستد و مزاحم ناموس مردم شود؟
آخر گاوها خودشان خواهر و مادر دارند.
ما از شیر، گوشت، پوست، حتی روده و معده ی گاو استفاده می کنیم.
آقای ... معلم خوب ما گفته که از بعضی جاهای گاو در تهیه همین لوازم آرایش خانم ها که البته زشت است استفاده می شود.
ما حتی از دستشویی بزرگ گاو (پشگل) هم استفاده می کنیم.
تا حالا شما گاو بیکار دیده اید؟
آیا دیده اید گاوی زیرآب گاو دیگری را پیش صاحبش بزند؟
تا حالا دیده اید گاوی غیبت گاو دیگری را بکند؟
آیا تا بحال دیده اید گاوی زنش را کتک بزند ؟
یا گاو ماده ای شوهر خواهرش را به رخ شوهرش بکشد؟
و مثلا بگوید از آقای فلانی یاد بگیر. آخر توهم گاوی؟! فلانی گاو است بین گاوها.
تازه گاوها نیاز به ماشین ندارند تا بابت ماشین 12 میلیون پول بدهند و با هزار پارتی بازی ماشینشان را تحویل بگیرند و آخرش هم وسط جاده یه هویی ماشینشان آتش بگیرد.
هیچ گاوی آنقدر گاو نیست که قلب دیگری را بشکند. البته شاعر باز هم در این مورد شعری فرموده است :
گمون کردی تو دستات یه اسیرم
دیگه قلبم رو از تو پس میگیرم

دیده اید گاو نری به خاطر بدست آوردن ثروت پدر گاو ماده به او بگوید : "عاشقت هستم"؟! سرت سر شیر است و دمت دم پلنگ؟!
دیده اید گاو پدری دخترش را کتک بزند؟!
گاوها در جامعه شان فقر ندارند.
گاوها اختلاف طبقاتی ندارند.
آنها شرمنده زن و بچه شان نمی شوند.
رویشان را با سیلی سرخ نگه نمیدارند.
هیچ گاوی غصه ی گاوهای دیگر را نمی خورد.
هیچ گاوی غمباد نمی گیرد.
هیچ گاوی رشوه نمی گیرد.
هیچ گاوی اختلاس نمی کند.
هیچ گاوی آبروی دیگری را نمی ریزد.
هیچ گاوی خیانت نمی کند.
هیچ گاوی دل گاو دیگر را نمی شکند.
هیچ گاوی دروغ نمی گوید.
هیچ گاوی آنقدر علف نمی خورد که از فرط پرخوری تا صبح خوابش نبرد در حالی که گاو طویله کناریشان از گرسنگی شیر نداشته باشد تا به گوساله اش شیر بدهد.
هیچ گاوی گاو دیگر را نمی کشد.
هیچ گاوی...
اگر بخواهم هنوز هم در مورد فواید گاو بودن بگویم، دیگر زنگ انشاء می خورد و نوبت بقیه نمی شود که انشایشان را بخوانند.
اما
به نظر من مهمترین فایده گاو بودن این است که دیگر آدم نیستید ...
لباس ما از گاو است، غذایمان از گاو، شیر و پنیر و کره و خامه ... همه از گاو
ولی با همه منافع یادشده هیچ گاوی نگفت : من ... بلکه گفت: مـــــــــااااااا





نوع مطلب : شخصیت، طنز و شوخی، 
برچسب ها : فوایـد گـاو بـودن، دانش آموز، انشا، کمال، گاو، گوساله، آدم، طویله، زنگ انشاء، ناموس، غیبت، کتک، قلب، ثروت، فقر، غصه، غمباد، آبروی،
لینک های مرتبط :


18 مرداد 98 06:23
We're having coffee at Nylon Coffee Roasters on Everton Park in Singapore.
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‘I enjoy the way you think.' , he said.

For now, I start scrubbing my high heel within his leg, massaging it slowly. ‘So what can you want in women? And, Andrew, don't spare me the details.' I ask.

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31 تیر 98 11:10
We're having coffee at Nylon Coffee Roasters on Everton Park in Singapore.

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26 تیر 98 15:29
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17 تیر 98 17:13
We're having coffee at Nylon Coffee Roasters on Everton Park in Singapore.
I'm having black coffee, he's which has a cappuccino.
He is handsome. Brown hair slicked back, glasses for his face,
hazel eyes and the most wonderful lips I've seen. They're
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that sticks out within this sweater. We're standing in front of one another
speaking about our everyday life, what we really wish for for the future, what
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he's got been rejected loads of times.

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‘Oh, I really don't know. Everything happens for reasons right.
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"So, utilize mind if I kissed you right this moment?' he explained as I am more detailed him and kiss him.

‘When don't ask, function it.' I reply.

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For now, I start scrubbing my heel bone in her leg, massaging it slowly. ‘What do you want girls? And, Andrew, don't spare me the details.' I ask.

‘I really like determined women. Someone who knows whatever they want. Someone that won't say yes although I said yes. Someone who's unafraid when trying new stuff,' he says. ‘I'm never afraid when you try a new challenge, especially in terms of making interesting things in bed ', I intimate ‘And I really like females who are direct, who cut in the chase, like you recently did. To become
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12 تیر 98 10:13
We're having coffee at Nylon Coffee Roasters on Everton Park
in Singapore. I'm having black coffee, he's creating a cappuccino.
He is handsome. Brown hair slicked back, glasses that fit his face, hazel eyes and the
most wonderful lips I've seen. They are well-built, with incredible arms as well as a
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‘Why Andrew? You're so handsome. I'd never reject you ', I say He smiles at me,
biting his lip.

‘Oh, I can't know. Everything happens for reasons right.
But tell me, you would not reject me, might you Ana?' He said.



‘No, how could I?' , I replied

"So, you would not mind if I kissed you today?' he explained as I recieve nearer to him and kiss him.

‘Next time don't ask, do exactly it.' I reply.

‘I prefer the way you think.' , he said.

For now, I start scrubbing my rearfoot in her leg, massaging it slowly. ‘What do you wish in women? And, Andrew, don't spare me the details.' I ask.

‘Everyone loves determined women. Someone who knows the things they want. Someone that won't say yes even though I said yes. Someone who's not scared when you try new stuff,' he says. ‘I'm never afraid when you try a new challenge, especially with regards to making new things in the bedroom ', I intimate ‘And I love females who are direct, who cut in the chase, like you merely did. To get
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7 تیر 98 13:39
"We need to build to an alternative crescendo, cheri," he said.
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26 خرداد 98 04:14
We're having coffee at Nylon Coffee Roasters on Everton Park in Singapore.
I'm having black coffee, he's creating a cappuccino.
They're handsome. Brown hair slicked back, glasses that fit his face,
hazel eyes and the prettiest lips I've seen. They are well developed, with
incredible arms and also a chest that stands out within this sweater.
We're standing in front of each other speaking about our way of life, what you
want into the future, what we're in search of on another person. He
starts saying that he's been rejected a great deal of times.


‘Why Andrew? You're so handsome. I'd never reject you ', I say He smiles
at me, biting his lip.

‘Oh, I don't know. Everything happens for a good reason right.
But analyze, make use of reject me, could you Ana?' He
said.

‘No, how could I?' , I replied

"So, utilize mind if I kissed you currently?' he said as I buy more detailed him and kiss him.

‘The very next time don't ask, simply do it.' I reply.

‘I enjoy the way you think.' , he said.

For now, I start scrubbing my your back heel in her leg, massaging it slowly. ‘What do you enjoy in women? And, Andrew, don't spare me the details.' I ask.

‘Everyone loves determined women. Someone who knows what they have to want. Someone who won't say yes simply because I said yes. Someone who's unafraid when trying new stuff,' he says. ‘I'm never afraid of attempting a new challenge, especially when it comes to making something mroe challenging in the bedroom ', I intimate ‘And Everyone loves women who are direct, who cut throughout the chase, like you simply did. To generally be
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22 خرداد 98 04:39
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9 خرداد 98 12:51
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2 خرداد 98 14:34
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29 فروردین 98 11:46
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28 فروردین 98 17:17
"We must build to a different crescendo, cheri," he said.
"Therefore we could have an ending that is to be as none before."

His smile was decadent, his eyes were filled with lust, along with
the soft skin of his hard cock against my sex was having its
intended effect. I was feeling a stronger arousal now as
I felt his cock slide between my sensitive lips. I felt the pinnacle
of his cock push agonizingly at the doorway
of my pussy, and I need to him to thrust into me hard.
Instead he pulled back and slid his hardness back about my clit.


I was aching to possess him inside, and I was able
to tell that his ought to push that wonderful hard cock inside me
was growing. His moans grew to fit mine, and I knew the feeling of my wet
pussy lips about the head of his cock was getting an excessive amount of both for of us.


"Allow finale begin," he explained, anf the husband slid the top
of his cock inside me.

Both of us gasped as he held his cock there for just a moment.

I contracted my pussy to drag him further inside, and the man threw his
return for the sensation. Inch by excruciating inch he pushed his cock inside
me, and each and every time I squeezed my pussy around him.
His cock felt wonderful simply because it filled me, but I needed everything inside
me. I rolled to the side and rested my leg against his shoulder, and
hubby plunged his cock all the way in.
 
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